Like being covered in a wet and dark blanket - Parents' lived experiences of losing a child to cancer.

PURPOSE: The aim of this study was to illuminate parents' lived experiences of losing a child to cancer.

METHOD: Interviews and a narrative about parents' experiences of losing a child to cancer were gathered from six parents of children whom had participated in a longitudinal study across the child's illness trajectory. The analysis of the data was inspired by van Manen's hermeneutic phenomenological approach.

RESULTS: One essential theme emerged: Like being covered in a wet and dark blanket, as well as six related themes: Feeling conflicting emotions, Preparing for the moment of death, Continuing parenting after death, Recollecting and sharing memories, Working through the sorrow and New perspectives in life.

CONCLUSION: There is a need for good palliative care. If not, there is a risk that the parent will perseverate and blame themselves for not being a good parent during the suffering child's last time in life. Meetings with the parents six months and two years after the child's death might facilitate healing through the grief process.