Lesbians surviving childhood sexual abuse.

Abstract This qualitative, feminist study is focused on lesbians' experiences growing up in multiproblem families, surviving aftereffects of trauma, and struggling with alcohol problems. A multi-racial sample of 20 lesbians narrated life stories in a series of three in-depth interviews. The research report opens with one woman's narrative about surviving childhood sexual abuse and continues with explication of how differences and similarities within and between accounts pivot on the issues of sexual orientation, gender, and race. Results suggest that early in their lives, overwhelming violence and intrusive expectations were imposed, negating a clarity of experience about their authenticity. No participant expressed a belief that her sexual orientation was a result of childhood sexual abuse. The societal presumption of sexual abuse as an etiological factor in determining lesbian sexual orientation, nevertheless, was pivotal for these survivors because they had to constantly protect themselves from others' judgements about whether they were "real lesbians." They described a multi-faceted, ingenious strategy, gender-blurring, that helped them garner a place of some value in the family and stave off some of the violence, but this protective stance made them question whether they were "real women." Women also indicated that they grew up in families empty of cultural affiliation. Instead of knowledge and pride about connection with community, they experienced a gaping void about racial identification, ethnicity, parentage, and personal history. All in all, they survived a series of social identity exclusions. Conclusions call into question the usefulness and adequacy of theories about static psychological and social identities and suggest the importance of specific, localized analyses that explore narrative selves.